That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
