I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
