So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
