DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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