Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
