I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
