his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
