Having a random hookup so left but love u
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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