how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
