so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
