Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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