When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
