She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
