the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
