ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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