I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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