the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize