My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
