hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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