do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My pussy is not your playground.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
