you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
