I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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