Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
