It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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