She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
