I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
