have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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