You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
