Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
