Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
