well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
