is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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