so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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