You can't motorboat a personality
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
