I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
