Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Still dying that you shit outside
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
