so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
