I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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