Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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