youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
