Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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