i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
