Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
