...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
