you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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