Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
