Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
