i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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