My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
