I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
