i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
