I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
