I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
