If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just pee around me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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