I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
