she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
