jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
