So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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