kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
