If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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