Kareoke will never be a sober sport
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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