Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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