I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
