mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
