I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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