I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Your cock deserves a montage
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
