Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
