Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
