Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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