I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
