I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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