I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize