We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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