Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
