Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize