Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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